I have a hard time finishing things I start at this company ...

There should be a name
for tasks that can not
be completed.

When I'm in my cubicle trying to program an idea the "creative" staff has either envisioned or stolen from another company, I never can seem to finish without something stopping me only to have to start all over again. It's as though the fates were against me ever completing a God's damned job around here.

Here's an example. One day, Aphrodite runs into my cubicle and screams "Sisyphus, I need four pages coded by tomorrow for a site on nail polish names." I have no idea what that means, but I figure, coding four pages with basic HTML and some pictures is probably what she means, so I start. I'm nearly done when Athena runs into my cubicle wearing that tight fitting dress and scarf that always smells of almonds, and she says in a voice that the muses envy, "Sisyphus, whatever Aphrodite asked you to do, delete it. We're not doing that anymore. Can you create, instead, a site for the top ten legal precedents regarding internet libel cases?" So I delete my nail polish name site and work diligently on this exciting new project for one of the most respected women in the company. Not more than 20 minutes later, Aphrodite comes back into my cubicle to ask me how the site is coming! So now I have to start over again. And this happens every day!

I don't know if it's me, or if it's just the way this company is managed, but I can't finish anything around here and the next day I have to start all over again! Do you remember that iconic scene in Cool Hand Luke, when they break Paul Newman by asking him to keep digging that ditch and filling it over and over again ? It's sort of like that, only he was at least able to stop after a while. But I can't! I'm here day after day continually working on one site, then asked to do another completely different one! For lack of a better word, I'd say working here was Cool Hand Lukian. I'll come up with a better word once I finish this site for Hera on punishments for philandering husbands.

Let me sing you a song of Market Segmentation and Price Perception ...

The Romance of Marketing

As the Head of Marketing for Gods Dot Com, there are two things I know our investors want: finding that sweet spot for market penetration while maintaining brand intensity and a song played upon a lute that speaks to the heart. And it just so happens that I can master both of these. One of the reasons why Gods Dot Com is one of the most strategically based market positioned value added research and development firms is that we do the work. And I pull out the old lyre occasionally at a meeting and softly and sweetly sing a song of love or valor to all those in attendance at our joint application strategy sessions.

People often ask me at trade conferences: "Apollo, how can you find the time to develop qualitative marketing targeted distribution while bringing people to tears with your beautiful and masculine songs which pour forth effortlessly from your heart?" The answer is simple: I utilize a blend of segmentation continuums and the d-minor chord; the first offers a solid basis of understanding a specific demographic and the latter, a somber cadence which brings forth a tonal vulnerability. You see, I not only market the shit out of, whatever the hell we do at this company, I also market myself to the ladies. For sex. Which is really why I'm in this no holes barred world of high stakes marketing in the first place. And when you add the sweet terpsichordian experience of my honeyed tones, those panties are gonna drop faster than a product's awareness following an over saturation of the market by vertical placement.

Sure, a lot of people also tell me that I'm not really a true marketing professional if all I'm interested in is physical pleasure. To that I say, like the popular musicians and film stars of your age, marketing too can offer the electric high powered entertainment and energy any arts or cultural event provides. I mean, Tiger Woods didn't become a golfer to have sex with hundreds of women, but when you're that good at something, it just happens. And I'm that good at marketing. And intercourse.

I'm gonna market the shit out of you, baby.