In my day the internet was a farm boy with sturdy legs!

The whole Zeus
and nothing but the Zeus!

While it is true that we have been dormant lo these many centuries and that some of your clever new inventions have confounded us it is also true that a lot of your "improvements" are nothing more than modified ideas available to us at the dawn of civilization.

Take your internet, which you all believe will one day be either the savior of mankind or the complete annihilation of your planet. In my day the internet was a farm boy with sturdy legs who would travel from village to village spreading the news of the day and gossip. And for nine drachmas a minute, he might even favor you with a prurient dance to delight and titillate your senses. But what of air travel? Surely air travel must be new to your ancient understanding? To that I simply laugh. The Greeks invented air travel, foolish modernite! True, it was not as comfortable as your so called "luxury jets" and true, it was not so much a choice as it was required for the genetic strengthening of our society. Throwing babies thought to be less than genetically perfect from high cliffs is technically flying people from one destination to another, and therefore counts as flight.

"But, Zeus", you may ask. "Surely you can't compare life in the ancient world to modern life with our comforts and longer life expectancy?" To that, I can only simply laugh. We had it better in the ancient world. We knew we'd be dead by 35, so we lived life to its fullest. When I was 15 I had mastered Greek, Latin, Aramaic, philosophy, geometry, trigonometry, botany, seamanship, armed and unarmed combat, war tactics and the art of keeping a perfect vineyard. And if you thought it was all learning and thinking, by the time my figs dropped, I had already impregnated 3 village women and two sheep. Find me a fifteen year old today who can peel his dead eyes away from a smartphone long enough to ejaculate into a math book and I'll give you a dolma.

So, that's essentially why I gathered my family together to start an internet company. I will probably get help from Apollo crafting a mission statement out of that. Stay tuned.