Dear Cassandra ...

This week, ancient soothsayer and head of accounting for GodsDotCom.net, Cassandra, deals with relationships, dating, and handles a misinformed and angry reader!

She sees the future and
sets up 401k plans!

Dear Cassandra,

I am involved with a wonderful man, and we've been together for four years, but I get the feeling that he is not going to ask me to marry him. I am in my early 30s and desperately want a family, but I don't want to continue in this relationship only to find out in two years that he doesn't want kids. I stopped taking the pill so that if he gets me pregnant, it will force the issue. Do you think that makes me manipulative?

Signed,
My Eggs Are Going Bad!
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Dear Rotten Eggs,

I have consulted the great Oracle of your problem! The Oracle says: "My Reply Is Hazy. Try Again."

Cassandra.

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Dear Cassandra,

I was with woman a few weeks ago and we had sex a few times. I pretty much penetrated every orifice she had in one weekend multiple times. Unfortunately, I didn't use a condom because I like swimming without a life vest. That's just how I roll. Point is, I'm worried that I may have caught something because there are a few new bumps showing up in the underbrush that weren't there before. Is this something I need to deal with now or do you think, like my tooth decay, this will also just solve itself?

Signed,
A Little Nervous

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Dear Nervous,

I have consulted the Oracle of your problem! The Oracle says: "Ask Again Later."

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Dear Cassandra,

I am an actual psychologist and I happened to come across your "advice" blog. I was struck by some of your answers in last month's column. Upon doing a little research, I have discovered that all of your Oracle's answers are from the Magic 8 Ball toy! You can NOT simply promote yourself as someone who dispenses advice to desperate people and then CONSULT A TOY! It is unethical at best and incredibly damaging at most. You told a 12-year old girl who asked you if she should tell her parents whose neighbor was abusing her that: "My Sources Say No"! Please, for the love of God, stop giving advice before you do any more damage!

Thank you,
Dr. Frances Lingham, PhD in Psychology

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Dear Doctor Who?

I have consulted the Oracle of your problem! The Oracle says: "My Sources Say You're A Piece of Shit." I'll bet you don't see that answer come up in any Magic 8 Ball.