Aphrodite's Beauty Tips

You can't fix ugly.

As the goddess of beauty and sensuality, a lot of ugly women ask me: "Aphrodite, what is your secret to attracting men?" I have to tell you, it gets old really quick. One part of me wants to tell them that beauty is within and to be true to yourself. I want to tell them that feminine beauty is not about how you look or how much you weigh, it's about finding what makes you a sensual woman and fearlessly showing that to the world. And then I laugh to myself at what a bunch of bullshit that is. Sometimes as a joke I tell these trolls to find a bladder of ram's urine and dutifully apply it each evening to their faces and you wouldn't believe how many women will actually do this! At one point I was just testing people to see how many fucked up things I could make them do for my own curiosity and you know what? You bitches will do anything ... and I mean anything ... if you thought it would get men to notice you. Holy shit, no wonder why cosmetic companies rake in so much money.

Once I told a woman to eat poop. She wrote me back that not only did this not make her more aesthetically pleasing, but she had also contracted e Coli. While that lawsuit works its way through the courts, all I can say is that beauty is not for the weak. Do you think it's easy having constant attention from men? To wake up every day wondering who is going to fall in love with me on line at Starbucks or what company is going to want to throw wads of money at me just to endorse their products? Most of you couldn't handle that sort of stress and to be honest, there are some days that I wish I was just a little bit less attractive. Not too much. I don't want to actually work or read. 

Do you want to know what my beauty tip is? Be born to beautiful parents with good genes. I was the product of Gods, but if you don't have the blood of deities coursing through your veins, try and make sure you're born to parents with excellent bone structure and high metabolism. Short of that, I'm not sure what you want. I mean, if you want to get plastic surgery, I'm sure it couldn't make some of you worse off, but honestly, unless you're going to get an entirely new face stitched on your skull, I'd say invest it in learning a new language or skill. Some men are attracted to accomplished women and the worse that can happen is you have money to spend on escorts.